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Bring on the Workweek

29 Apr

Marilyn takes stock

Took the weekend off. Did no work at all. Acted like a 12-year-old in that I pretty much just listened to my i-Pod, wrote in my diary and gave my feet the critical eye.

I also broke precedent and looked in the mirror for a full seven minutes, which made me stand appalled by what has become of me. I have wrinkles galore, a furrow deep enough to plant carrots in and this new weird thing where my spine snakes over to the left, then doubles back on itself and snakes over to the right. Most people don’t notice it until I mention it but then they see it all right. When I pointed it out to my friend Ahmad he said in his mild way, “Oh yeah! Your pants are here and your shirt is over here!”

Also I’m getting these dark things on my face, like Morgan Freeman has. They’re like pigmented freckles only I’ve never had freckles.

Plus my eyes, which were always too close together, seem now to be heading for opposite corners of the room.

My teeth look like kernels on the corncob you split open and then toss back in the bin. (WHY WASN’T I MADE TO WEAR BRACES EVER?) 

Also my bangs are too short – they make me look like Imogene Coca if anyone remembers her.

And my eyebrows are disappearing.

I was examining the Nike Swoosh of my spine when my man sauntered into the bathroom. I had this flannel shirt on that I found in our son’s high school bedroom.

“It’s a men’s small but it’s not quite makin’ it in the buttoning shut department.

“Get a breast reduction,” he quipped.

He was kidding of course. The real problem was about a foot further down, but maybe I should anyway. I mean, it’s too late for braces, right?

Maybe I can enter these years like a sort of sprightly un-busty Mary Lou Retton. Hey, it would take my mind off the rest of me. What does a thing like that cost anyway? And why go around looking like this sadsack..

the mirror doesn't lie

… When I could go around looking like this:

mary lou retton

Well. Such are the thoughts of a person with WAY too much time on her hands. Bring on the workweek!

 

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8 Comments

Posted by on April 29, 2013 in aging, humor

 

Tags: , , ,

8 responses to “Bring on the Workweek

  1. Sarah

    April 29, 2013 at 7:10 am

    Terry, I think you can find dozens of dentists who will gladly put braces on you! You look just fine to me!

     
  2. Andrea Martin

    April 29, 2013 at 10:26 pm

    Terry, I’ll take the regular size carrots please; I read that the baby ones are not so great although they always tasted okay to me. I’m not sure how much fun a 12 yr. old has….but on the other hand today’s 12 yr. olds….I hope you left off the self evaluation and plain enjoyed the whole day! Funny lady! <3

     
    • Terry Marotta

      May 1, 2013 at 8:16 am

      I liked the carrots order ha ha. I had a great time when I was 12. The world was opening and opening before me, everything so shiny. 13 and 14 were darker for me because some hard realities came in but 10, 11, 12. Talk about Wonder Years!

       
  3. Nancye Tuttle

    April 29, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    OMG…you sound just like me, Terry. Only I have major breast reduction needs since mine hang down way too low…my man suggests the same thing to me…I tell him he needs a tummy tuck..LOL Just savor your age and learn to live with it, considering the alternatives..

     
    • Terry Marotta

      May 1, 2013 at 8:14 am

      wise words there at the end Nancye! I will adjust my outlook :-)

       
  4. Gwen Straub

    May 17, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    Thanks for the laughs. Ter! I did find Ms. Coca finally. What a talent she was. You are too! and your big eyes peeping over the edge are betterin Ms Retton!

     
    • Terry Marotta

      May 18, 2013 at 6:23 pm

      my old small eyes? I try eye makeup sometimes but then I look like if you put eyeshadow on your dog.. IT IS WHAT IT IS!

      Thanks for his sweet note G.

       

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The Freelance Retort

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Another Good Day in Rural America . . . . . . . © 2012, 2013, 2014 Ann Aikens ~ all rights reserved

Eating The Week

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