Here at the annual conference of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists I’ve just heard a talk by Jeff Zaslow, author of The Last Lecture on Professor Randy Pausch’s amazing final talk before his death from pancreatic cancer and the sound of gulped-back tears filled the room.
Randy left behind three small children even younger than the three left by Michael Jackson, God rest his troubled soul.These children of Randy’s won’t remember their dad and he knew that. It is the cruelest and yet the kindest thing that happens to you as the sorrowing left–behind one, the way your spider of a heart wraps the time immediately following the death in such thick numb bunting you can’t recall them.
When, at 45, my sister Nan lost her young husband Tom to death on the tennis court, she blundered blindly through the whole following year. Then one night she ‘saw’ him as she lay in their bed. He stood at their bedroom door in the tennis outfit he had died in. “I want to come back,” he said plaintively. “You can’t!” she exclaimed through fresh tears. “Your friend took your job and I gave away your clothes!”
Was it a dream or did Tom really come to her that night? And if so, did he repent the pack-a day cigarette habit, the six-hard-boiled-eggs-and–six hot-dogs suppers chased down by whole pints of ice cream? Does Michael repent the fact that he exhausted his frail and pain-wracked body in preparing for the superhuman task of a 50- show tour? We can’t know. But if we could speak with our dead just one time more I think they would have us take a long look in the mirror and resolve from here on out to spend our own remaining days loving all those of whatever age who shelter in our care and nurture.
June 27, 2009 at 11:23 am
This column is so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time.
June 28, 2009 at 9:05 am
It’s been a strange week with the passing of many celebrities. Strangely, the rule of three applies more times than not. I’m sure your sister Nan did see her husband’s ghost, I’ve seen a few myself.
“No man is an island, entire of itself…Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.” John Donne
June 28, 2009 at 11:42 am
Dear “T”
I am so new at all of this, so forgive me if I have repeated myself.
How could you have know that you words regarding the Man in the Mirror could have been exactly what I needed early this a.m.
Of course, you have always known just what to say. I am deeply saddened by Michael Jackson’s death, nevermind those who have left me so far.
So Thank you for your tribue!
Lots of Love – Laura
June 30, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Laura you are so good to write! Just seeing this now after taking the red-eye home and getting right to work on Uncle Ed care and the rest. You make it all worthwhile. David and I speak of your dad so often honey. Nan too says her thoughts return to him more and more…. Love you!
tt as they call me now (the babies)
June 29, 2009 at 9:01 am
Dan – really like that quote from John Donne. Wouldn’t you know now that I want to repeat one I can’t remember all of it but the basic message is tread lightly, treat people gently for you never know when you are entertaining an angel unaware.
June 30, 2009 at 8:33 am
Andrea – you are so right. Angel’s are around us all the time.
July 2, 2009 at 4:27 pm
The best part is when they have touched your life, you never forget nor do you forget the feeling of having received God’s grace no matter how many years apart each occurence is. Did anyone stop to think that all this rain might be God’s tears? Does He know what North Korea is up to and if those acts will lead to a terrible war? There may be more angels around us than ever now. Sorry to be so solemn. Still feeling bad for Terry’s missing Charlotte.